I'll be honest. Okay, I say this far too often. When I say that I'll be honest, generally speaking, I mean "I want to make things real for a moment.".
That was a beautiful tangent. Yeah, anywho. Living with Multiple Sclerosis isn't precisely easy. There are days when I just can't stand the thought of doing anything productive, simply because I don't really feel happy enough to do it. On these days I will still go to work, and school. But, I just don't have any motivation to really do anything worth my time. I won't participate in math class, I won't even pay attention. The only thing I can get myself to do is comment on something in my awesome American Heritage class. Sadly, this semester has come to an end, and I will miss that class. It's slightly bizarre. I figure I am depressed, but I only feel this way on random days. The thought that enters my head often when I think "I should do something more productive" is simply "meh, not in the mood."
It's times like these that I wish I had a girlfriend. It would be pretty great to just sit, maybe watch a movie, maybe chat, and cuddle. Yeah, normally I'd say "hah, gaaay" to that, but right now I think it would be super chill. Sadly, every attempt I've had for dating I've completely farmed it. (don't know what farming something means? failing in an embarrassing way. Consider yourself educated.)
Now for something more up beat. I'm moving home! It's gonna be awesome! I should be able to get out of debt, and I'll be closer to work. Yaaay!
Also, Christmas is coming up! Yaaay!
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Another attack, but no symptoms?
I find it really fascinating what happens to me, but to be honest, sometimes I get scared out of my mind! This happened recently.
At the beginning of this month I had a lovely MRI... Well, three in one day (went from 8am to 10:45am before school). Of course I requested copies of the images so I can look at the pictures and find the problems before getting a phone call to tell me what's wrong. This time the MRI tech was hilarious! Well, relatively funny. After the two and some odd hours he made a joke. He asked if there was anything else I wanted to MRI while I was at it, like a knee or arm. I appreciated his dry humor. I love dry jokes.
Anyway, when I got home from the hospital I found a little time to glance at my images, I found two "new" lesions, and the faded lesion that was my optic neuritis (what cause my blind spots). One of the new lesions was enhanced (currently active/under attack), the other was not. both were around the posterior horn of the lateral ventricle on the right hemisphere of my brain.
Number 3 points at the location.
Oddly enough, I wasn't too upset about finding these things. Nah, what got to my mood was when I got the phone call the next day and was told that I get to have another bout of Methylprednisolone. Aka: Solu-medrol. Aka: Steroids. Three days. I had them the beginning of the week for thankgiving. Yeah, i was pretty cheerful. Not really.
So what then happened? The steriods owned me. I had more side effects than ever before. the works.
- Increased appetite.
- Irritability.
- Insomnia.
- Hands shaking from anxiety.
- Fatigue.
- Anxious mood.
- Joint pain.
- Horrible metallic taste in mouth all day.
So basically, I got owned. Pretty much. But there was a very bright side to this week. I regained contact with someone awesome from my mission. There was a sister missionary I got to know in my time in the MTC who I found interesting to talk to. We've been talking. It's been nice. She's fun to talk with, I suppose. I dunno how else to put it.
Dogs, dogs everywhere. That's a good way to put it. :) I've also realized that I 'm pretty good at sometimes having confidence with the ladies. I just need to be more forward, or... I don't know actually. Maybe I just need to be a better bruh? (Warning, some language.) Hahaha, right. No. There was a recent blog post that has been floating around facebook about how to ask girls out in a way that they like. Basically, be up front about it and not a freaking pansy.
One problem with that that I've found. if they aren't attracted to you, they will still ignore you..? Yup.
Not much more to say about that. If you want more details, it's been said in my podcast When you're 23 You'll eventually see which of the episodes it speaks of such things.
Yeah, I think that's about enough of this post. It's certaintly been a while since I posted anything. And I figured a post would be nice. Especially since I've been learning HTML and wanted to show off a few things. So there you go. consider that a nice little show off.
Too lazy to center it.
Enjoy.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
My Multiple Sclerosis and you.
An update is long overdue. This post is for some of you in particular, though some of it is for you noobs. Welcome to my life: WARNING: I was somewhat grumpy when I wrote this post, it is fairly aggressive.
I have multiple sclerosis and I've accepted it, it's part of who I am, I take it one day at a time. If you go back and read my post about my neuropsych evaluation of cognition then you'll come to understand why I may seem slow to catch on sometimes. Deal with it and quit making jokes about it, I do not find them funny and likely will never find them funny. In fact, they're slightly upsetting. It's like making fun of a birthmark and we're not in elementary school anymore. Actually, basically any joke about my MS is out of line. I don't appreciate the vast majority of them. I will make jokes, but I know which humor is okay and which are not (obviously, it is my life, after all). These jokes are similar to self depreciating humor, you can make them about yourself but the second you make them about someone else you become part of the problem with the world.
Why does this come up? I have no idea. I suppose some recent jokes (which I can't remember the specifics of) pushed my over my edge.
Recently I got sick. Thankfully it only lasted two days. First time I've been sick since my major attacks (which are now a mighty trilogy, for those of you who do not know. Partial blindness, memory problems, and dizziness when standing) and I'm sure some of you may know what someone with MS experiences when they're sick. Because MS attacks something that can't regrow naturally (the myelin sheath) the brain has to function at a higher capacity to perform something someone else without MS can do with normal brain activity. See this and this. The former being more difficult to understand, but is a possible explanation of why us MS people have lassitude (or get fatigue). The latter is a general article on MS fatigue.
I've lost my train of thought. That happens some times. Stupid MS. Never happened this often before. Well, i suppose now is as good a time as any to quote President Eyring: "but think of the day when you must know what God would say and what He would do. It has already come for us all--wherever you are in your calling in the priesthood." Today is the time where you need to know what God would have you do. now is the time to be who God wants you to be! Go and get His revelation. Be His tool. Let Him work through you!
Anyway... I remember what I was talking about. I got sick. Guess what? All my previous MS attacks came back for the duration of my illness! I could barely function. I was severely fatigued, could barely stand without falling, almost passing out when standing. I had my trusty (sarcasm) blind spots back, and I was forgetting why I walked into a room several times a day forgetting random words. Although in the moment, it sucked... I was extremely fascinated by this interesting turn of events. I found a great article that explains it.
Okay. Another thing that came to my mind. Although it looks like I take my MS fairly well, it does have an affect on my mood. Recently in sunday school a video called Lift was shown. I've seen it before, and although it is a very uplifting video, for me it is highly upsetting. Basically, the woman it is about has MS and can't function in certain day to day things (like getting out of bed) and needs someone to assist her. I fear this could happen to me any day (and it has a fair chance of happening, too.)
Here it is:
I had to step out. I didn't want to confront this video and the feelings it brings in front of my peers at the singles ward. Thankfully, no one really noticed. Why do I bring this up? I suppsose to give you an insight into my life. Hey, it worked, no? I don't bring these things up to get attention, or for your ridiculous pity, I've gotten enough pity for a lifetime, I want you to treat me normally and not tease and bully when I don't function as a normal person. Makes sense, right? I hope so. If all else fails, pray that God will bless you to know how to treat me and others like me. (why, you should be doing that anyway! before you fail!)
Well, I feel this post is long enough and accomplishes what I wanted it to. Basically don't be a jerk to me and don't pity me.
I have multiple sclerosis and I've accepted it, it's part of who I am, I take it one day at a time. If you go back and read my post about my neuropsych evaluation of cognition then you'll come to understand why I may seem slow to catch on sometimes. Deal with it and quit making jokes about it, I do not find them funny and likely will never find them funny. In fact, they're slightly upsetting. It's like making fun of a birthmark and we're not in elementary school anymore. Actually, basically any joke about my MS is out of line. I don't appreciate the vast majority of them. I will make jokes, but I know which humor is okay and which are not (obviously, it is my life, after all). These jokes are similar to self depreciating humor, you can make them about yourself but the second you make them about someone else you become part of the problem with the world.
Why does this come up? I have no idea. I suppose some recent jokes (which I can't remember the specifics of) pushed my over my edge.
Recently I got sick. Thankfully it only lasted two days. First time I've been sick since my major attacks (which are now a mighty trilogy, for those of you who do not know. Partial blindness, memory problems, and dizziness when standing) and I'm sure some of you may know what someone with MS experiences when they're sick. Because MS attacks something that can't regrow naturally (the myelin sheath) the brain has to function at a higher capacity to perform something someone else without MS can do with normal brain activity. See this and this. The former being more difficult to understand, but is a possible explanation of why us MS people have lassitude (or get fatigue). The latter is a general article on MS fatigue.
I've lost my train of thought. That happens some times. Stupid MS. Never happened this often before. Well, i suppose now is as good a time as any to quote President Eyring: "but think of the day when you must know what God would say and what He would do. It has already come for us all--wherever you are in your calling in the priesthood." Today is the time where you need to know what God would have you do. now is the time to be who God wants you to be! Go and get His revelation. Be His tool. Let Him work through you!
Anyway... I remember what I was talking about. I got sick. Guess what? All my previous MS attacks came back for the duration of my illness! I could barely function. I was severely fatigued, could barely stand without falling, almost passing out when standing. I had my trusty (sarcasm) blind spots back, and I was forgetting why I walked into a room several times a day forgetting random words. Although in the moment, it sucked... I was extremely fascinated by this interesting turn of events. I found a great article that explains it.
Okay. Another thing that came to my mind. Although it looks like I take my MS fairly well, it does have an affect on my mood. Recently in sunday school a video called Lift was shown. I've seen it before, and although it is a very uplifting video, for me it is highly upsetting. Basically, the woman it is about has MS and can't function in certain day to day things (like getting out of bed) and needs someone to assist her. I fear this could happen to me any day (and it has a fair chance of happening, too.)
I had to step out. I didn't want to confront this video and the feelings it brings in front of my peers at the singles ward. Thankfully, no one really noticed. Why do I bring this up? I suppsose to give you an insight into my life. Hey, it worked, no? I don't bring these things up to get attention, or for your ridiculous pity, I've gotten enough pity for a lifetime, I want you to treat me normally and not tease and bully when I don't function as a normal person. Makes sense, right? I hope so. If all else fails, pray that God will bless you to know how to treat me and others like me. (why, you should be doing that anyway! before you fail!)
Well, I feel this post is long enough and accomplishes what I wanted it to. Basically don't be a jerk to me and don't pity me.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
My brain sucks, but is still above average? Neuropsychological cognition test.
Pretty awesome title, no? There's a reason for this, trust me. What am I even talking about? I don't know. (pun totally intended :D :D :D)
The fourth of July week is always one of my favorites. My family does this awesome thing, we set up and grill outside the stadium of fire every year and such, and enjoy grilled food, games, and of course, outside looking in on the largest stadium firework show. :D
Independence is pretty fantastic, I gotta say.
Anyway, as to what I am talking about: Two weeks ago I had a neuropsychological test for cognitive function. Because of my memory issues back in March/April, I had an appointment with a neuropsychologist. It was fascinating and really boring at the same time. Although I had memory issues back then, I don't think I do now, but went through with the test anyway. Good to have a control in the case of future attacks. Ha! MS is fun.
So, the doctor was amusing, had a good sense of dry humor. (honestly, dry is the best, despite living in Utah) He is from New Zealand (where's the old Zealand??? Netherlands, just in case you didn't know, Zealand comes from dutch, "Zeelandt" which means sea land. there's a place in netherlands called Zeeland that's fun for you, no?) So, I was assessed both knowingly and unknowingly in the following areas. Appearance, movement, behavior, orientation and autobiographical memory; speech, Thought content and process; insight and judgment; mood, and validity. Basically he tested all the possible functions that make up a normal person. So, you see. I'm cool like that. Aren't I special? I totally got to be quizzed, tested, probed, and observed for 3.5 hours with only a 10 minute break. Along side those cognitive tests, I had a limited psychological screening. No worries guys, the report basically says "no intent to harm self or others". What it does mention is normal for any INFJ (google is your friend, if you so desire). Elevated findings in difficulties making decisions and phobic anxiety, nervousness in crowds and mild avoidance of public transportation.". I already knew I hated crowds. Etc. :D
Attention allocation was a talking point. Basically, because MS affects the brain, I need to be more careful in my studies to pay attention to detail, because I showed standard MS cognitive failures. I would mess up the easiest one of a type of problem because my brain doesn't know how much to allocate enough to the problems due to damaged stuff, and therefore it needs to accelerate up to the point of function, and then goes on to solve the most complex of that type of test once my brain got used to how it needed to think. So basically, when solving problems, I start out slow, and then advance to my standard ability. (which was above average, btw. ;) ;) :) But my brain needs to allocate more resources and space to function normally. Thus fatigue several times a week/day, and my brain needs more time to clean up and rest.
I was given the following recommendations based on the findings:
Sleep at least 8 hours. (already failing at that one... >_>)
Exercise regularly, beginning slowly, and advancing to a normal regimen.
Counseling support for managing stress. (if/when needed) and make situation known to accessibility office of school in case of future problems.
re-evaluation in 6-12 months if deterioration is evident.
So, now for the bragging moments. I was above average in almost everything, and when it comes to verbal/story memory (learning and remembering from people speaking or stories) I was in the 95th or higher percentile. Basically I've got a fantastic memory for stories and things people say... When I'm paying attention. lolololol
Anyway. Ms is a fascinating thing, and today and two weeks ago just simply reminded me of how much I want to get involved in the medicine and research for MS, and other brain related illnesses. Man!
Now, on to dating, cause hey. I can. So remember that girl I talked about last week who was the natural blonde etc etc? Well, I realized this week in class that I didn't to the standard ring check. and yes, she had a ring. though, upon closer inspection (don't ask how) I noticed that it wasn't a typical engagement ring. sooo, maybe she's not actually engaged? yeah. I don't care. The finding of this ring (of power) made me do a ring check on all the cute girls around me. Yup. three of the five whose hands I could see hand rings. And the cutest were those with rings. WHAT. THE. CRAP. IS. THIS. Institute is supposed to be a place to meet girls!!!
Whatever.
Can I just say that I hate it when someone announces that they are a feminist, and then go on to expound on that, saying how they aren't actually a feminist..? Ugh. I don't really want to go into it, but we've all met one.
On another note, there was an excellent point taught today in class about praying for guidance with callings in the church. I'll quote it. "He already knows about your call in complete detail. He called you, and by praying to Him about your call, He will reveal more for you to know.". Basically, we pray for revelation, and when we do God will grant it. He knows what is needed, and He can grant it.
Okay, seriously. Bed time.
The fourth of July week is always one of my favorites. My family does this awesome thing, we set up and grill outside the stadium of fire every year and such, and enjoy grilled food, games, and of course, outside looking in on the largest stadium firework show. :D
Independence is pretty fantastic, I gotta say.
Anyway, as to what I am talking about: Two weeks ago I had a neuropsychological test for cognitive function. Because of my memory issues back in March/April, I had an appointment with a neuropsychologist. It was fascinating and really boring at the same time. Although I had memory issues back then, I don't think I do now, but went through with the test anyway. Good to have a control in the case of future attacks. Ha! MS is fun.
So, the doctor was amusing, had a good sense of dry humor. (honestly, dry is the best, despite living in Utah) He is from New Zealand (where's the old Zealand??? Netherlands, just in case you didn't know, Zealand comes from dutch, "Zeelandt" which means sea land. there's a place in netherlands called Zeeland that's fun for you, no?) So, I was assessed both knowingly and unknowingly in the following areas. Appearance, movement, behavior, orientation and autobiographical memory; speech, Thought content and process; insight and judgment; mood, and validity. Basically he tested all the possible functions that make up a normal person. So, you see. I'm cool like that. Aren't I special? I totally got to be quizzed, tested, probed, and observed for 3.5 hours with only a 10 minute break. Along side those cognitive tests, I had a limited psychological screening. No worries guys, the report basically says "no intent to harm self or others". What it does mention is normal for any INFJ (google is your friend, if you so desire). Elevated findings in difficulties making decisions and phobic anxiety, nervousness in crowds and mild avoidance of public transportation.". I already knew I hated crowds. Etc. :D
Attention allocation was a talking point. Basically, because MS affects the brain, I need to be more careful in my studies to pay attention to detail, because I showed standard MS cognitive failures. I would mess up the easiest one of a type of problem because my brain doesn't know how much to allocate enough to the problems due to damaged stuff, and therefore it needs to accelerate up to the point of function, and then goes on to solve the most complex of that type of test once my brain got used to how it needed to think. So basically, when solving problems, I start out slow, and then advance to my standard ability. (which was above average, btw. ;) ;) :) But my brain needs to allocate more resources and space to function normally. Thus fatigue several times a week/day, and my brain needs more time to clean up and rest.
I was given the following recommendations based on the findings:
Sleep at least 8 hours. (already failing at that one... >_>)
Exercise regularly, beginning slowly, and advancing to a normal regimen.
Counseling support for managing stress. (if/when needed) and make situation known to accessibility office of school in case of future problems.
re-evaluation in 6-12 months if deterioration is evident.
So, now for the bragging moments. I was above average in almost everything, and when it comes to verbal/story memory (learning and remembering from people speaking or stories) I was in the 95th or higher percentile. Basically I've got a fantastic memory for stories and things people say... When I'm paying attention. lolololol
Anyway. Ms is a fascinating thing, and today and two weeks ago just simply reminded me of how much I want to get involved in the medicine and research for MS, and other brain related illnesses. Man!
Now, on to dating, cause hey. I can. So remember that girl I talked about last week who was the natural blonde etc etc? Well, I realized this week in class that I didn't to the standard ring check. and yes, she had a ring. though, upon closer inspection (don't ask how) I noticed that it wasn't a typical engagement ring. sooo, maybe she's not actually engaged? yeah. I don't care. The finding of this ring (of power) made me do a ring check on all the cute girls around me. Yup. three of the five whose hands I could see hand rings. And the cutest were those with rings. WHAT. THE. CRAP. IS. THIS. Institute is supposed to be a place to meet girls!!!
Whatever.
Can I just say that I hate it when someone announces that they are a feminist, and then go on to expound on that, saying how they aren't actually a feminist..? Ugh. I don't really want to go into it, but we've all met one.
On another note, there was an excellent point taught today in class about praying for guidance with callings in the church. I'll quote it. "He already knows about your call in complete detail. He called you, and by praying to Him about your call, He will reveal more for you to know.". Basically, we pray for revelation, and when we do God will grant it. He knows what is needed, and He can grant it.
Okay, seriously. Bed time.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Telling my HR rep about MS and I FLEW AN AIRPLANE.
So, recently I made the decision to inform my work's HR rep that I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis as a way to protect myself. I have been falling asleep three to four times a week due to the strange fatigue that comes with MS (since the middle of march)... I guess I'll explain why it's strange. I can tell I'm getting a fatigue attack because several things happen.
First, I wake up feeling like I hadn't even gone to sleep. That's the most terrible feeling, I've even gotten it after ten hours of sleep. It is really odd. My muscles and such don't feel tired, but my mind does.
Second, After a while it hits the body, I enjoy doing pull ups, push ups, and such with a little door gym I got, but when I have a fatigue attack, I can only do half the number of reps, and honestly my body starts to feel like jello as though I'm having a hypoglycemic attack. I start to shake, and such.
Seriously annoying. But the worst of it represents itself when I'm sitting or laying down. I can fall asleep really really easily. (just ask my mother) So I've told my HR rep that I have MS so that in the case of me getting in trouble for "sleeping on the job" I have back-up to prevent any serious repercussions... It's a known medical symptom of MS, and so they can't really fire me for it. Yay!
Now, it may sound as though I'm venting or complaining, but I'm really not. Seriously, I find it really fascinating, and there are significantly worse things I could be experiencing.
The last few days have been really great, and not so great. My father lost his job, which means I get to take over my medical bills, and my school on top of that is requiring me to take out student loans. suckage! and even then I don't quite know how I'm going to make ends meet come fall semester, but I don't worry too much, I have some fall backs. My Church might be able to help, and the national ms society might be able to help with rent. Those are very last resorts, though.
Dating recently has been interestingly BORING. Seriously, why can't girls just speak their mind more clearly? man, I wish I understood them better, or actually. I wish I knew how to react to them better... I don't feel like exounding on that, but hey, I did find a new interest! She's in my new institute class at the Orem institute of religion, and I caught her sneaking glances at me several times, so I'm going to have to find a way to talk to her without being creepy or weird. Huh, might be difficult, cause I grew up being told "You aren't a Pearson if you're not weird." :D She's a natural blonde... I'm a sucker for light haired blondes. You know, the ones with short eyelashes and almost invisible eyebrows? Yeah, I guess that's my type. I find them seriously way mroe attractive than other types. plus, I don't think I've met one that wasn't really really cool too... so, hey. cool story, right?
In class we talked about the benefits of the temple, and it hit me so hard that I decided to plan on attending, so tomorrow I go! So excited for several reasons, This being the one I care to share the most:
"As we enter through the doors of the temple, we leave behind us the distractions and confusion of the world. Inside this sacred sanctuary, we find beauty and order. There is rest for our souls and a respite from the cares of our lives." President Thomas S. Monson.
I look forward to the respite for my soul that I will find within those wonderful walls! Although this isn't exactly the most interesting of posts, I just wanted to share it. Plus I'm sort of adding these to my journals, and having the option of others reading them makes me want to make the more readable in general.
Now I'll add a picture of me, that isn't really anything like me:
I also in the last week got to fly an airplane. My dream since I was an eleven year old. It was both amazing, and underwhelming. I didn't get to do as much as I was expecting. (my brother got to take off, and/or land when he did it.) It was an intro flight with bountiful flight. Although it was short, (around 25 minutes) it was really beautiful. Here's two pictures:
As you can see, they're pretty fantastic. Also, here's a song I can't stop listening to... Strange, I know.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Tolerance: Because God Said So, That's Why.
Well, in light of some recent events, I've lost a little more of the very small amount of respect I held for my current government... Don't get me wrong, the ideals and ideas that it was founded upon are beautiful, and good. but, well. It's image is in shambles compared to what it used to be.
To be honest, I want to just talk a little about tolerance, a very misconstrued idea in our current society. Tolerance when it is correctly had is a beautiful, and very necessary virtue, but when exaggerated or made to be bigger and more important than it is President Packer said it, "it transforms itself into a vice.". When you become too tolerant with sin and sinners, you allow a compromise with evil. When good compromises with evil, evil wins. Frankly, I'm sick of the flame wars between both sides on the issues at hand, it shows a gross misunderstanding of doctrine on both sides. Only by persuasion and love unfeigned? I better tell people they're dead wrong on the internet. I know, I know. I've done/do it too. What I'm generally more sick of, is the call to "show more tolerance, you bigot!!!" that the more liberal members of my church have been yelling (or typing) at the more conservative part when they begin to correct people with their ideas that are not in harmony with the teachings of the church.
Yes, as you can see, I am am biased, but being biased doesn't mean that I am on the wrong side.
I keep seeing people I consider to be "good members" of my church who metaphorically put their covenants on the line when they say such things as: (No. I will not identify the speaker/writer)
"I am very happy about the Supreme Court's decision. It is my prayer that the world will become more open and tolerant."
Another actual comment/status:
"Today is a dream come true for so many people, and just because this means that now gays and lesbians can be married, doesn't mean your life is shutting down if you don't support it. It means that everyone can be married, whether they're black, white, gay, lesbian- EVERYONE now has the option to marry the love of their life no matter who that is. Why would THAT make anyone upset or angry? Two girls or two guys being married doesn't do anything except spread love and happiness. Why can't everyone just see that? #LoveIsLove"
And another:
"God delights in diversity. You can see that in all his creations. I mean, for heaven sakes, we're talking about the guy who created the platypus (talk about someone with a confused identity!). And as we seek to be like God, let us delight in what he delights in. Let us delight in diversity. Let us delight in the sinner (aka everyone) who shows up to church. Let us delight in loving. #lovewins #bethechange"
And frankly, seeing this scares me, and reminds me of a poem By Alexander Pope:
“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”
Homosexual actions are just that, a damaging Vice. Having these tendencies is not a sin, but the acting out on the urges is. When you begin to accept a sin as ok, and even praise it as "good to be 'yourself'", you're opening the door to sin, and honestly, President Packer said it best: "The word tolerance is also invoked as though it overrules everything else. Tolerance may be a virtue, but it is not the commanding one. There is a difference between what one is and what one does. What one is may deserve unlimited tolerance; what one does, only a measured amount. A virtue when pressed to the extreme may turn into a vice. Unreasonable devotion to an ideal, without considering the practical application of it, ruins the ideal itself.". There is a major difference in respecting someone's actions who are of a different faith, and accepting them. To accept is to bring it in as your own. or as the dictionary defines it:
"1. consent to receive (a thing offered).
"he accepted a pen as a present"
2. believe or come to recognize (an opinion, explanation, etc.) as valid or correct."
We must not accept the sinful actions, nor should we tolerate them to the extreme, if one is seeking penance, tolerate mistakes. IF not, well. Tolerance can go too far, and will lead to acceptance. Once you accept a sin, you commit a sin.
If it is wrong in God's sight, it should be wrong in our's. If it is condemned by God, it should be condemned by us. After all, we are commanded to align our will with His.
Now let's talk about why I politically (and religiously) think that gay marriage is wrong, and why the idea is a plague.
Gay marriage should never have been legalized. Simple reasons:
1st reason: The SCOTUS should not have the power to affect laws. Plain and simple as that. Thomas Jefferson said it this way "“[N]othing in the Constitution has given [the judiciary] a right to decide for the Executive, more than to the executive to decide for them. Both magistracies are equally independent in the sphere of action assigned to them… the opinion which gives to the judges the right to decide what laws are constitutional, and what are not, not only for themselves in their own sphere of action, but for the Legislature & Executive also, in their spheres, would make the judiciary a despotic branch.”"
2nd reason: It doesn't fit into any definition of the word marriage. Simply dumb to say someone can marry when it isn't marrying, it's uniting...
3rd reason: It's gay. It's a sin. And don't you be screaming "Separation of church and state!" at me, because that doesn't mean what you think it does. As the government allows gay marriage, it unites with the church of humanism, putting Man in the place of God. The Government should not display any sort of affiliation with any religion.
4th reason: The government should not officiate in marriage what so ever... It's just not kosher, government should be over all citizens as a whole, not individually, and definitely not with such an intimate decision and relationship as marriage.
Why? this foul and damaging principle is fueled by the incorrect idea that "you can choose your sexual orientation". You may not be able to choose who you are attracted to, but your orientation is determined by your sex. If you are male, your counterpart is female, and vice versa. "But, you should be yourself! don't hide who you are!". That argument is as stupid as it is flawed. No, you shouldn't be yourself, you should strive to be better than that. Be like God! And frankly, if you should be yourself, why are pedophiles evil for finding children attractive? Simply put, because God said so, that's why.
"'For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.' Moroni 7:16.
Each of us must stay in condition to respond to inspiration and the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The Lord has a way of pouring pure intelligence into our minds to prompt us, to guide us, to teach us, and to warn us. Each son or daughter of God can know the things they need to know instantly. Learn to receive and act on inspiration and revelation.
Of all that I have read and taught and learned, the one most precious and sacred truth that I have to offer is my special witness of Jesus Christ. He lives. I know He lives. I am His witness. And of Him I can testify. He is our Savior, our Redeemer. Of this I am certain. Of this I bear witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." -President Boyd K. Packer
God lives, and as He lives we have the option to learn and know what is right and wrong, whether or not we do is up to us.
To be honest, I want to just talk a little about tolerance, a very misconstrued idea in our current society. Tolerance when it is correctly had is a beautiful, and very necessary virtue, but when exaggerated or made to be bigger and more important than it is President Packer said it, "it transforms itself into a vice.". When you become too tolerant with sin and sinners, you allow a compromise with evil. When good compromises with evil, evil wins. Frankly, I'm sick of the flame wars between both sides on the issues at hand, it shows a gross misunderstanding of doctrine on both sides. Only by persuasion and love unfeigned? I better tell people they're dead wrong on the internet. I know, I know. I've done/do it too. What I'm generally more sick of, is the call to "show more tolerance, you bigot!!!" that the more liberal members of my church have been yelling (or typing) at the more conservative part when they begin to correct people with their ideas that are not in harmony with the teachings of the church.
Yes, as you can see, I am am biased, but being biased doesn't mean that I am on the wrong side.
I keep seeing people I consider to be "good members" of my church who metaphorically put their covenants on the line when they say such things as: (No. I will not identify the speaker/writer)
"I am very happy about the Supreme Court's decision. It is my prayer that the world will become more open and tolerant."
Another actual comment/status:
"Today is a dream come true for so many people, and just because this means that now gays and lesbians can be married, doesn't mean your life is shutting down if you don't support it. It means that everyone can be married, whether they're black, white, gay, lesbian- EVERYONE now has the option to marry the love of their life no matter who that is. Why would THAT make anyone upset or angry? Two girls or two guys being married doesn't do anything except spread love and happiness. Why can't everyone just see that? #LoveIsLove"
And another:
"God delights in diversity. You can see that in all his creations. I mean, for heaven sakes, we're talking about the guy who created the platypus (talk about someone with a confused identity!). And as we seek to be like God, let us delight in what he delights in. Let us delight in diversity. Let us delight in the sinner (aka everyone) who shows up to church. Let us delight in loving. #lovewins #bethechange"
And frankly, seeing this scares me, and reminds me of a poem By Alexander Pope:
“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”
Homosexual actions are just that, a damaging Vice. Having these tendencies is not a sin, but the acting out on the urges is. When you begin to accept a sin as ok, and even praise it as "good to be 'yourself'", you're opening the door to sin, and honestly, President Packer said it best: "The word tolerance is also invoked as though it overrules everything else. Tolerance may be a virtue, but it is not the commanding one. There is a difference between what one is and what one does. What one is may deserve unlimited tolerance; what one does, only a measured amount. A virtue when pressed to the extreme may turn into a vice. Unreasonable devotion to an ideal, without considering the practical application of it, ruins the ideal itself.". There is a major difference in respecting someone's actions who are of a different faith, and accepting them. To accept is to bring it in as your own. or as the dictionary defines it:
"1. consent to receive (a thing offered).
"he accepted a pen as a present"
2. believe or come to recognize (an opinion, explanation, etc.) as valid or correct."
We must not accept the sinful actions, nor should we tolerate them to the extreme, if one is seeking penance, tolerate mistakes. IF not, well. Tolerance can go too far, and will lead to acceptance. Once you accept a sin, you commit a sin.
If it is wrong in God's sight, it should be wrong in our's. If it is condemned by God, it should be condemned by us. After all, we are commanded to align our will with His.
Now let's talk about why I politically (and religiously) think that gay marriage is wrong, and why the idea is a plague.
Gay marriage should never have been legalized. Simple reasons:
1st reason: The SCOTUS should not have the power to affect laws. Plain and simple as that. Thomas Jefferson said it this way "“[N]othing in the Constitution has given [the judiciary] a right to decide for the Executive, more than to the executive to decide for them. Both magistracies are equally independent in the sphere of action assigned to them… the opinion which gives to the judges the right to decide what laws are constitutional, and what are not, not only for themselves in their own sphere of action, but for the Legislature & Executive also, in their spheres, would make the judiciary a despotic branch.”"
2nd reason: It doesn't fit into any definition of the word marriage. Simply dumb to say someone can marry when it isn't marrying, it's uniting...
3rd reason: It's gay. It's a sin. And don't you be screaming "Separation of church and state!" at me, because that doesn't mean what you think it does. As the government allows gay marriage, it unites with the church of humanism, putting Man in the place of God. The Government should not display any sort of affiliation with any religion.
4th reason: The government should not officiate in marriage what so ever... It's just not kosher, government should be over all citizens as a whole, not individually, and definitely not with such an intimate decision and relationship as marriage.
Why? this foul and damaging principle is fueled by the incorrect idea that "you can choose your sexual orientation". You may not be able to choose who you are attracted to, but your orientation is determined by your sex. If you are male, your counterpart is female, and vice versa. "But, you should be yourself! don't hide who you are!". That argument is as stupid as it is flawed. No, you shouldn't be yourself, you should strive to be better than that. Be like God! And frankly, if you should be yourself, why are pedophiles evil for finding children attractive? Simply put, because God said so, that's why.
"'For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.' Moroni 7:16.
Each of us must stay in condition to respond to inspiration and the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The Lord has a way of pouring pure intelligence into our minds to prompt us, to guide us, to teach us, and to warn us. Each son or daughter of God can know the things they need to know instantly. Learn to receive and act on inspiration and revelation.
Of all that I have read and taught and learned, the one most precious and sacred truth that I have to offer is my special witness of Jesus Christ. He lives. I know He lives. I am His witness. And of Him I can testify. He is our Savior, our Redeemer. Of this I am certain. Of this I bear witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." -President Boyd K. Packer
God lives, and as He lives we have the option to learn and know what is right and wrong, whether or not we do is up to us.
Friday, June 26, 2015
A short (not short) introduction.
Hey, I am Joshua. I'm currently 22, a very active Latter-day Saint (aka Mormon), I am a podcast host and this last April I was diagnosed and (WARNING: Cliche) blessed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis.
To begin my introduction, I guess I'll start out with the natural start. The creation of the Heavens and the Earth... Just kidding, but I will share this link to my beginning, and with it a shout-out to my sister for dumping so many wonderful compliments on me, despite me having been an obnoxious teenager at the time of her writing this
I think that's enough of an introduction of me growing up. I'll add this to my intro, though. I haven't really overcome the "awkward teenager" phase. My mind still goes blank around pretty girls, and I generally avoid people I don't like. Oh, wait. Everyone stays away from people they dislike? Well, then. I guess everyone is awkward, which means no one is... ANYWAY.
Now my more recent story. It took about 4 1/2 - 5 months to finally get a diagnosis.
I went partially blind. Well, sort of. I woke up one morning and realized that I couldn't see normally. It was as though I had looked into an extremely bright light on one part of both eyes. So, it took me a little while (of it getting worse, too) before going to an eye doctor. They found massive blind spots. Well, not blind spots exactly, from my research (NOT webMD) they are called Scintillating Scotoma.
They are next to my focal point on the left hand side of vision, both eyes. They extend from there to halfway up my visual field, all the way to the edge of my peripheral vision. So, obviously I couldn't drive anymore as I couldn't see oncoming traffic. I was without my pizza delivering job. The regular eye doctor referred me to a retinal specialist and his name was Dr. Aldridge. He said that my eyes are completely healthy, and in perfect condition. It's in my brain. So, he referred me to go get and MRI (what he said) but he actually sent me in for an MRA. He did say that he expects it was just a severe migraine that caused damage. back to the MRA.
That's where they use an MRI machine to look at the blood vessels. It came back completely clean, and normal. so, they scheduled me for a regular MRI. By the time the results came in, I noticed that my blind spots were no longer blind, but discolored. So I started driving again, and delivering pizza again. This may have been due to me being sick with a cold, and such. This happened over Christmas, so I guess you could say that I was given a very interesting Christmas gift?
The results came while delivering one morning, I got a call outside of some random guy's house, and they came back abnormal... I was told that they found "spots", I had to go get another MRI a few weeks later, and doctor Aldridge is referring me back to Dr Sharp who will probably refer me to a Neurologist. They found an area of tissue, I don't remember what he called it, in my brain, a spot you could say. The hospital doctors/radiologists gave a preliminary diagnosis, it as either Optic Neuritis, Multiple Sclerosis, or a stroke. Dr Aldridge still thinks it was a migraine that caused damage. The stroke would have showed up on my first MRA, so it's very likely not that.
Then he asked how the spots were doing. I told him that they had improved, and were just odd colors. He said that means that the brain is trying to heal itself, and that is very good. But it does mean that MS is more likely the cause of the issue in the first place... Very interesting, no?
I had an appointment with my Neurologist, Dr. Groves. He went over the results of the MRI with me, and mapped out the road to diagnosis. In the following couple of days I got a call to do another MRI, blood work, along with a lumbar puncture. He clarified what they found, and gave me a copy of the doctor note findings. This was in February. They found two "white" sections of damaged tissue. A lesion 7 millimeters long is the smaller, and he said it probably caused no symptoms. The other is 3.3cm by 2cm by 2.8cm spot, that is in the right Occipital Lobe next to the Occipital Horn of the right lateral ventricle. (the spot is a focal area of hyper-intense T2 and FLAIR, whatever that means)
The tests are part of looking for MS and maybe something called optic neuritis. Looking back I chuckle at this. "Why?" you ask? Because it was both. MS causes Optic Neuritis.
He asked if I drive, and he looked slightly alarmed when I said I'm a pizza delivery driver. He then asked if I feel safe doing that, and I explained my situation about how the spots are blueish now. He recommended reducing stress and the amount I drive. Ha, Right.
Well, to make this really long story shorter... I had a miserable time because of the silly spinal tap, I developed a spinal headache and man. I didn't get it taken care of. I was miserable for the better part of a week.
The results of the 2nd MRI showed several more lesions typical of MS, and so in late April, after yet another MRI, Dr Groves let me know. "Yeah, basically it's safe to say that you have MS". I was prescribed Tecfidera and went on to live the happy life I live.
Why is this a blessing? Well, for one thing, the issues I've had are not permanent. My blind/blue spots are no longer noticeable without thought, my second attack has faded, which affected my memory. It was one of the weirdest things that I've ever experienced, seriously. At times I would just completely forget a word. occasionally I would completely forget why I walk into a room. Actually that happened on a daily basis, more or less. Then some times I would completely forget why I said something, what I said, how I said it, etc. Strange.
But, that's faded. (I think? Hehehe) Back to why it's a blessing. Christ lives! And these things that have happened to me has reiterated just how much He is truly with us. He is absolutely watchful, ever mindful. He is good, trust in Him, learn of Him, and I can promise you that as you learn of Him he will calm the storms in your lives. He will be your Foundations when the trials and quaking begins. You will not be shaken! The Lord will not allow you to fall. He is ever there, waiting for you to reach out to Him. That is how He is with me. I love life, and despite my restrictions, things are wonderful. I began an MS diet soon after diagnosis, it's my own modified version of the modified Paleo Diet by Dr. Wahls
Obviously, this changed a lot of life plans. Like becoming a pilot. It made me realize just how much I am fascinated by brains, and medicine in general. Having optic Neuritis basically removed the option to fly as a career, but that's completely fine with me. I've since began the long road to becoming a Neurologist myself. I'm currently studying at UVU with plans to transfer to BYU. And, man! Life is just great!
Never forget how beautiful life is, because it simply is.
To begin my introduction, I guess I'll start out with the natural start. The creation of the Heavens and the Earth... Just kidding, but I will share this link to my beginning, and with it a shout-out to my sister for dumping so many wonderful compliments on me, despite me having been an obnoxious teenager at the time of her writing this
I think that's enough of an introduction of me growing up. I'll add this to my intro, though. I haven't really overcome the "awkward teenager" phase. My mind still goes blank around pretty girls, and I generally avoid people I don't like. Oh, wait. Everyone stays away from people they dislike? Well, then. I guess everyone is awkward, which means no one is... ANYWAY.
Now my more recent story. It took about 4 1/2 - 5 months to finally get a diagnosis.
I went partially blind. Well, sort of. I woke up one morning and realized that I couldn't see normally. It was as though I had looked into an extremely bright light on one part of both eyes. So, it took me a little while (of it getting worse, too) before going to an eye doctor. They found massive blind spots. Well, not blind spots exactly, from my research (NOT webMD) they are called Scintillating Scotoma.
They are next to my focal point on the left hand side of vision, both eyes. They extend from there to halfway up my visual field, all the way to the edge of my peripheral vision. So, obviously I couldn't drive anymore as I couldn't see oncoming traffic. I was without my pizza delivering job. The regular eye doctor referred me to a retinal specialist and his name was Dr. Aldridge. He said that my eyes are completely healthy, and in perfect condition. It's in my brain. So, he referred me to go get and MRI (what he said) but he actually sent me in for an MRA. He did say that he expects it was just a severe migraine that caused damage. back to the MRA.
That's where they use an MRI machine to look at the blood vessels. It came back completely clean, and normal. so, they scheduled me for a regular MRI. By the time the results came in, I noticed that my blind spots were no longer blind, but discolored. So I started driving again, and delivering pizza again. This may have been due to me being sick with a cold, and such. This happened over Christmas, so I guess you could say that I was given a very interesting Christmas gift?
The results came while delivering one morning, I got a call outside of some random guy's house, and they came back abnormal... I was told that they found "spots", I had to go get another MRI a few weeks later, and doctor Aldridge is referring me back to Dr Sharp who will probably refer me to a Neurologist. They found an area of tissue, I don't remember what he called it, in my brain, a spot you could say. The hospital doctors/radiologists gave a preliminary diagnosis, it as either Optic Neuritis, Multiple Sclerosis, or a stroke. Dr Aldridge still thinks it was a migraine that caused damage. The stroke would have showed up on my first MRA, so it's very likely not that.
Then he asked how the spots were doing. I told him that they had improved, and were just odd colors. He said that means that the brain is trying to heal itself, and that is very good. But it does mean that MS is more likely the cause of the issue in the first place... Very interesting, no?
I had an appointment with my Neurologist, Dr. Groves. He went over the results of the MRI with me, and mapped out the road to diagnosis. In the following couple of days I got a call to do another MRI, blood work, along with a lumbar puncture. He clarified what they found, and gave me a copy of the doctor note findings. This was in February. They found two "white" sections of damaged tissue. A lesion 7 millimeters long is the smaller, and he said it probably caused no symptoms. The other is 3.3cm by 2cm by 2.8cm spot, that is in the right Occipital Lobe next to the Occipital Horn of the right lateral ventricle. (the spot is a focal area of hyper-intense T2 and FLAIR, whatever that means)
The tests are part of looking for MS and maybe something called optic neuritis. Looking back I chuckle at this. "Why?" you ask? Because it was both. MS causes Optic Neuritis.
He asked if I drive, and he looked slightly alarmed when I said I'm a pizza delivery driver. He then asked if I feel safe doing that, and I explained my situation about how the spots are blueish now. He recommended reducing stress and the amount I drive. Ha, Right.
Well, to make this really long story shorter... I had a miserable time because of the silly spinal tap, I developed a spinal headache and man. I didn't get it taken care of. I was miserable for the better part of a week.
The results of the 2nd MRI showed several more lesions typical of MS, and so in late April, after yet another MRI, Dr Groves let me know. "Yeah, basically it's safe to say that you have MS". I was prescribed Tecfidera and went on to live the happy life I live.
Why is this a blessing? Well, for one thing, the issues I've had are not permanent. My blind/blue spots are no longer noticeable without thought, my second attack has faded, which affected my memory. It was one of the weirdest things that I've ever experienced, seriously. At times I would just completely forget a word. occasionally I would completely forget why I walk into a room. Actually that happened on a daily basis, more or less. Then some times I would completely forget why I said something, what I said, how I said it, etc. Strange.
But, that's faded. (I think? Hehehe) Back to why it's a blessing. Christ lives! And these things that have happened to me has reiterated just how much He is truly with us. He is absolutely watchful, ever mindful. He is good, trust in Him, learn of Him, and I can promise you that as you learn of Him he will calm the storms in your lives. He will be your Foundations when the trials and quaking begins. You will not be shaken! The Lord will not allow you to fall. He is ever there, waiting for you to reach out to Him. That is how He is with me. I love life, and despite my restrictions, things are wonderful. I began an MS diet soon after diagnosis, it's my own modified version of the modified Paleo Diet by Dr. Wahls
Obviously, this changed a lot of life plans. Like becoming a pilot. It made me realize just how much I am fascinated by brains, and medicine in general. Having optic Neuritis basically removed the option to fly as a career, but that's completely fine with me. I've since began the long road to becoming a Neurologist myself. I'm currently studying at UVU with plans to transfer to BYU. And, man! Life is just great!
Never forget how beautiful life is, because it simply is.
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